Too many casserole dishes: how to navigate the wedding gift minefield | EBay: find your thing
Wedding presents are nice in principle, but take it from me, the whole process can throw up more awkwardness than a table full of exes. You don’t want to appear like the avaricious attention seekers that a wedding encourages you to be, but you also, you know, want stuff â€" nice stuff.
“Gifting has become even more difficult today because people tend to get married later in life and, because they live together, they already have most of what they need,†says Lucy Hume, editor of Debrett’s Wedding Handbook. “And even if you say clearly that gifts are optional or that there should be no gifts at all, it can leave older relatives and friends bewildered.â€
My wife and I decided against a gift list before our wedding two summers ago. We’d shared a flat for two years and had plates to eat from and a toaster to toast with. We didn’t need to fill a kitchen with crockery and appliances â€" if anything we needed to lighten our cupboards. Instead we encouraged those who insisted on being generous to contribute to our honeymoon, putting in place a crowdfunding-inspired rewards system in a slightly twee attempt to feel less money-grabbing (“£20 gets you a thank you text from the beach; £50 gets you the above, plus a smug selfie …†and so on).
This did indeed bewilder a few of the more traditional guests, so we scrabbled together a last-minute gift list that included such big-ticket items as a salad spinner and a bathmat. Others insisted on giving us off-list things, which, my wedding spreadsheet reminds me, included multiple casserole dishes (very nice ones, to be clear), a Mexican pestle and mortar, candlesticks and an array of crafted objects that it would be impolite of me to comment on any further.
These choices align pretty well with the most popular items reported by gift list services, although there’s a trend for ever more extravagant items, with outdoor pizza ovens and wine cabinets replacing the modest toasters and food mixers of yore. “We advise that it’s good to have a real range of items of different value so you’re not forcing guests to spend a lot,†Hume says. I would add: keep an eye on your list in case the affordable items go too quickly.
As the dust settles on the big day, despite your best intentions there will inevitably be gifts that â€" while lovely â€" you (a) wouldn’t have chosen yourself or (b) actively don’t want and never will. What is a gracious newlywed to do? Well, before you start mentally costing them up: “The first thing you need to do is thank the giver effusively and just be grateful that they thought of something at all, even if that thought might be a little bit misplaced,†says Hume.
Surveys have placed artwork, ornaments, crystal glassware and presumptuous babywear at the top of least-wanted gift lists. See also sponsored goats, self-help books and comedy tea towels. But deciding what to do with unwanted items is less of a challenge. I know a number of couples who have discretely sold gifts on eBay, a useful strategy once you return from your honeymoon with more holes in your bank balance than the colander your aunt gave you. Doing so is easy, is a far better storage solution than hiding unwanted items in the attic, and will give you some cash to buy all the things you wanted but didn’t get.
Of course, there will always be regrets and what ifs. I look at our dinner plates now â€" mismatched white ones that would look tatty in a prison canteen â€" and wonder why we didn’t embrace the opportunity to be legitimately greedy when we could. Now there’s a baby on the way, and I can assure anyone whom it concerns that there will be no baby shower. There are limits.
Ease your way into marital bliss by selling those well-meant gifts on eBay, making extra space and money for the things you want.
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