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England v South Africa: fourth Test, day one – as it happened | Sport

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England v South Africa: fourth Test, day one â€" as it happened | Sport

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90th over: England 260-6 (Bairstow 33, Roland-Jones 0) Bairstow takes two boundaries off Olivier’s final over of the day - a thumping extra-cover drive followed by an attempted leave that scuttles through the slip cordon. That’s the end of a belting day’s cricket, in which both sides played Pass The Initiative (or, to be more accurate, Grab The Initiative Back Through Very Good Cricket, but that doesn’t have the same ring). The late wicket of Ben Stokes makes it South Africa’s day, just about, though there is little in it. Thanks for your company, night.

89th over: England 252-6 (Bairstow 25, Roland-Jones 0) That was devastating bowling from Rabada. It’s the mark of a champion to take a key wicket at the end of a hard day, and he has done exactly that.

WICKET! England 252-6 (Stokes b Rabada 58)

Oh yes yes yes. This is magnificent from Kagiso Rabada! Stokes hit him for two fours earlier in the over, and Rabada responded by slamming a yorker into the base of off stump. It would have been brilliant at any time of day - but in context, his last delivery of a long day to dismiss Ben Stokes, it’s an absolute gem.

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88th over: England 244-5 (Stokes 50, Bairstow 25) A surprising late change from Faf du Plessis, who has decided to replace Morkel with Dame Judi Dench Duanne Olivier. That said, it’s a good over from Olivier: he curves one sharply back into Bairstow, who defends, and then induces s a loosish drive that goes for a couple.

“If anyone is genuinely experiencing bad shampoo moments I can pass on my doctor’s advice,” says John Starbuck. “Use a children’s shampoo like No More Tears. This has an advantage of being usable often, so it can cope with at least every other day, a boon for us bearded people.”

87th over: England 242-5 (Stokes 50, Bairstow 23) Rabada beats Bairstow with a monstrous delivery that swings in a fraction and then bursts the other way off the pitch. He does it again two balls later. How many times?! Morkel and Rabada have been desperately unlucky.

86th over: England 241-5 (Stokes 50, Bairstow 22) Bairstow chases a wide outswinger from Morkel that beats the outside edge and is pushed for four byes by the diving de Kock. That brings up a respectful fifty partnership.

“Beard oil?” sniffs Andrew Benton. “I was the proud owner of a completely uncontrollable beard in my mid and late 20s - shampoo’d it every day - lovely and soft. Should have been called Head’n’Shoulders’n’Chin’n’Cheeks.”

Singular?

85th over: England 234-5 (Stokes 50, Bairstow 19) There’s a quiet intensity to these last few overs. Both teams know the difference between 260 for five and 240 for eight, and so do the crowd. At the moment England are hanging on for the close, with Rabada zipping another excellent delivery past Stokes’s defensive stroke. Stokes then pushes two down the ground to reach another mature, determined fifty from 89 balls. This really has been an excellent day’s cricket.

“As an image-conscious teenager, I made the mistake of shampooing my eyebrows in the misguided hope it would give them some extra sparkle,” says Tom van der Gucht. “Instead, not only did I have to endure the agony of all the foam rinsing directly onto my eyeballs - giving me a bit of a conjunctivitis vibe - but the Wash and Go also managed to irritate my sensitive skin and left me with what appeared to be eyebrow dandruff for a couple of weeks.”

84th over: England 232-5 (Stokes 48, Bairstow 19) Stokes has a wild drive at Morkel and is beaten again. On Sky, Mike Atherton tells us that’s the 19th time he’s beaten the outside edge today. That’s about once every five deliveries.

83rd over: England 229-5 (Stokes 47, Bairstow 17) Kagiso Rabada beats both batsmen outside off stump, and then Stokes drags a pull onto the fleshy part of the thigh. He smashes his bat into the pitch in annoyance, but has cooled down sufficiently to flick the next ball very classily through midwicket for three. I think Stokes is being told off by Aleem Dar for that bat thump, which is a bit ridiculous if so.

“I presume Sachin Paul is a W.Indies fan (i.e. England’s next test opponents) if he describes Joe Root’s form as ‘worrying’,” says Jonathan Gresty. “Hasn’t Root scored at least a half-century in all of his last ten Tests? Isn’t he comfortably the highest scoring batsman in either team in this series so far? I personally find Donald Trump, overpopulation and galloping climate change worrying. It’s 37 degrees where I live (Slovakia), it’s too hot to even leave the house, I’m waiting for N. Korea to start turning their nukes to face the US and amidst it all, Joe Root’s reliability at the crease is proving to be one source of comfort in this ever-changing, unstable world of ours.”

Ben Stokes of England is hit by a ball from Kagiso Rabada.
Ben Stokes of England is hit by a ball from Kagiso Rabada. Photograph: Gareth Copley/Getty Images

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82nd over: England 225-5 (Stokes 44, Bairstow 16) Morne Morkel takes the second new ball. He immediately snaps a beauty past Stokes’s defensive stoke and then finds an edge that flies over the vacant third-slip area for four. Ach! Morkel has been so unlucky in this series. There are lies, damned lies and 14 wickets at 30.00. He could easily have more than 20 wicket. He’s been an absolute joy, as a bloke and a bowler.

Here’s Robert Wilson. “Re. Over 74. Imagine sledging Viv! Has there ever been a less promising target? That desultory but regal walk to the middle, the faux-casual stance and the infinite disdain of that gum-chewing jawline (a more difficult combo than most people realise). Has there ever been a batsman who so effectively posed that most important of questions to a bowler â€" ‘Remind me, who the eff are you again?’”

I’m sorry I assumed that was a rhetorical question.

81st over: England 220-5 (Stokes 40, Bairstow 15) After some unexplained faffing that lasts two or three, Maharaj continues. Stokes has to abort a couple of attacking strokes - first because he’s beaten in the flight, then because of some nasty bounces. Maharaj has been admirable today.

80th over: England 220-5 (Stokes 40, Bairstow 15) Another time-killing over from de Bruyn. The second new ball is available but South Africa aren’t going to take it, at least not yet.

79th over: England 219-5 (Stokes 39, Bairstow 15) Bairstow misses a sweep at Maharaj but accidentally hits it in his follow through, with the ball whistling past de Kock for a couple of runs.

“How come none of the OBO team were asked about this?” says Charlie Tinsley. “There’s a distinct lack of 92 World Cup cricket shirts and bucket hats...”

Exactly. When it comes to fashion, I think we’ve all had enough of experts, don’t you.

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78th over: England 217-5 (Stokes 39, Bairstow 13) de Bruyn tries to tempt Stokes into something feckless outside off stump. It must be uniquely exasperating to get out to a part-time dobber just before the second new ball. Stokes almost experiences the sensation when he drags a leg-side flick this far wide of leg stump.

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77th over: England 215-5 (Stokes 38, Bairstow 12) Maharaj continues to give South Africa control of the scoreboard. It’s a reflection of his accuracy and occasional variety that England’s glory boys have barely played an attacking stroke against him.

“More impatience from Root,” sniffs Sachin Paul. “Why can’t he knuckle down and do justice to his talent by converting these starts into huge scores? It’s been happening since the India tour and doesn’t seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. Worrying.”

76th over: England 214-5 (Stokes 37, Bairstow 12) Dobbly or not dobbly? That’s the question for Faf du Plessis, who answers in the affirmative by bringing on the gentle medium-pacer Theunis de Bruyn. He starts with a wide full toss that Stokes dismisses from his presence for four runs. It was a no-ball too. That aside, it was a triumph.

“There’s a shampoo-related thread running through today’s OBO,” says John Starbuck. “I’m hoping that at some point Hashim Amla, Moeen Ali and Aleem Dar will combine for a decision. Imagine the beard-power there! It’d take a very large shampoo bottle to sort out the possible tangles.”

Shampoo? Beard oil, John, please. This is the Guardian.

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75th over: England 206-5 (Stokes 32, Bairstow 10) After a few unsatisfying defensive stroke, Bairstow whacks an impatient sweep for four off Maharaj.

74th over: England 202-5 (Stokes 32, Bairstow 6) A few technical problems. You have’t missed much, just an indecisive dab at fresh air by Bairstow off Olivier. We are amid the calm before the second new ball.

“I have been waiting for years for a thread on piles to emerge so I can ask others if they recall Viv Richards being abused from the stands at a county game over his own suffering from said affliction,” says Ian Copestake. “I guess in English humour any pain in the arse region is cause both for ridicule and aspersions against one’s manhood. On this occasion Sir Viv invited the person to step forward and debate the issue with him one to one.”

It would take a brave person to repeat Greg Thomas’s sledge in the circumstances. It’s red, it’s round...

73rd over: England 201-5 (Stokes 32, Bairstow 5) It’s a good thing there’s no yellow jersey in cricket, because half the time you wouldn’t know who should receive it. I have no idea who’s winning here.

Here’s Andrew Benton. “Is your online persona of a nice guy a reflection of your in vivo persona?”

Course not. That’s the whole point of the internet, right?

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72nd over: England 200-5 (Stokes 32, Bairstow 4) What happened, I think, was this: Kumar Dharmasena gave the LBW appeal not out and then, while South Africa were reviewing, was told by the square-leg umpire Aleem Dar that he thought the ball had carried to slip. Dharmasena thus gave Bairstow out before he was persuaded to go upstairs to make sure it had carried.

Back to the live cricket. Stokes, who is again batting with considerable authority, carves Olivier through backward point for four more.

71st over: England 196-5 (Stokes 28, Bairstow 4) After all that, it’s a maiden from Maharaj to Bairstow. He has bowled brilliantly, especially for a spinner on day one: 24-8-46-1.

REFERRAL! England 196-5 (Bairstow not out 4)

This is all very strange. Bairstow pushes at Maharaj, with South Africa appealing for LBW and maybe a catch at slip. It’s given not out, so South Africa review. Then, before it goes upstairs, Bairstow is given out! I’m not sure what happened there.

Eventually it does to go to the third umpire, a referral rather than a review. Replays show a huge inside edge but cast enough doubt as to whether Elgar got his hands under the ball for it to be given not out. Elgar thought it was a clean catch and it may well have been; once that goes upstairs, the batsman usually survives.

South Africa’s Dean Elgar, left, appears to catch England’s Jonny Bairstow.
Dean Elgar appears to catch out Jonny Bairstow as Quinton de Kock appeals, though the ball is subsequently shown to have hit the ground, so not out. Photograph: Paul Ellis/AFP/Getty Images

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70th over: England 196-5 (Stokes 28, Bairstow 4) A wide ball from Olivier is driven beautifully through extra cover for four by Stokes. It’s rare to see a batsman who can be quite so elegant and quite so brutal. At the moment he looks better on the pitch than on paper, but there has been such clear progression in his batting in the last two years that he could be unstoppable by the age of 28.

“Hi Rob,” says Edmund King. “None of them appears to involve shampoo (nasty substance), but there’s a good list of off-beat (but no doubt still excruciating) cricket injuries here. It includes NZ opener Trevor Franklin being mown down and injured rather badly by a luggage truck at Gatwick in 1986 and poor Jimmy Adams cutting his hand open on an inflight meal in the late ‘90s.”

Trevor Franklin got the luggage truck, and every cricket fan in England, back when he batted something like 19 hours for a century at Lord’s in 1990.

69th over: England 192-5 (Stokes 24, Bairstow 4) The five England batsmen dismissed all scored between 17 and 52, which is often a bigger sin than getting a duck. The Friday Feeling has been FFS, because all five will feel they should have got more. That said, South Africa have bowled some extremely good stuff in spells.

68th over: England 191-5 (Stokes 23, Bairstow 4) England had two reviews left, so it was worth a try just in case Root was outside the line or Hawkeye malfunctioned and confirmed it was missing wibble stump. It looked plumb, however, and so it was. This has been an excellent comeback from Olivier after a desperate one-over spell straight after tea.

In other news, Bairstow gets off the mark with a confident clip to the square-leg boundary.

“Hey there Rob,” says Tumi. “Hust got reports that South Africa is in talks with Ottis Gibson so i was wondering if you could kindly confirm this. PS a shout out on the commentary timeline would be amazing. I am a South African reader.”

I don’t know anything about that, though I haven’t broken a story in my life so I’m not the best person to ask. We don’t usually do shout-outs â€" this is the Guardian, darling â€" but it’s the weekend and I’m trying to cultivate the online persona of a nice guy, so: shout-out to Tumi!

WICKET! England 187-5 (Root LBW b Olivier 52)

Yes, Root has gone. He walked down and across to Olivier before missing a flick around his front pad. He was hit in line and the ball would have gone on to hit the meat of leg stump. Out of nothing, a huge wicket for South Africa.

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REVIEW! England 187-5 (Root LBW b Olivier 52)

Root is given out LBW! He has reviewed it, but I think he knows he’s out.

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67th over: England 187-4 (Root 52, Stokes 23) Stokes drives Maharaj safely down the ground for a single, one of two from the over. He’s playing low-risk cricket at the moment, certainly against Maharaj.

“Afternoon Rob,” says Ben Heywood. “Last year, having driven 220km to take part in a cricket tournament in Split, Croata (I live in Montenegro), I somehow managed to injure myself over breakfast before the first game. Watching our skipper stretching an arm behind his back, I subconsciously followed suit while eating my Coco Pops and the unexpected manoeuvre pinged a nerve in my neck, basically ruling me out of the whole shebang and landing me with the kind of nickname - Coco - that ought really to belong to a dog. Or a clown, I suppose.”

66th over: England 185-4 (Root 51, Stokes 22) A maiden from Olivier to Root. He has been much more accurate since switching ends. He has a vigorous, bustling action which reminds me a bit of the brilliant Fanie de Villiers.

65th over: England 185-4 (Root 51, Stokes 22) Another desperate LBW appeal from South Africa when Stokes misses a sweep at Maharaj. He was well outside the line. Maharaj is bowling nicely though, particularly to Stokes.

“People (sometimes understandably) complain when England go too hard and fall in a heap,” says Phil Harrison. “But they should also acknowledge the flip-side of that tendency - England are now a superb counter-attacking team on their day. Since tea, they’ve totally reversed the momentum of this game, not just with stroke-play but with aggressive running and general positive intent. This could be the series-winning stand. It’s great to watch too and that’s what it’s ultimately all about.”

Yes, agreed. This partnership reminds me a little of Johannesburg 2016. Root is our best top-order counter-attack since Graham Thorpe, I think.

64th over: England 183-4 (Root 50, Stokes 21) Olivier has switched ends to replace Morkel. I’d be very surprised if England don’t try to belt him round Manchester, as that would give du Plessis a problem. Root flicks him for a single to reach the usual fifty; it’s the 10th Test in a row that he has scored at least one half-century.

“I think I’ve figured out to whom Kim Thonger (61st over) is referring,” says Andy Plowman, “and I’m sorry to point out why the officials would have a problem with that, but I just can’t see how “The Sledgehammer of Eternal Justice Pavilion” would fit on the hoardings.”

Joe Root celebrates another half-century.
Joe Root celebrates another half-century. Photograph: Jason Cairnduff/Action Images/Reuters

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63rd over: England 181-4 (Root 49, Stokes 20) Stokes misses a fierce sweep at Maharaj, prompting a big appeal for LBW. He was well outside the line.

“Afternoon Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “First time I’ve been able to email the OBO from the ground in a good few years. An anniversary present from Mrs McMahon, tickets to the first two days. And only one with her, she’s letting me take a pal tomorrow. Not that she’s not, if you know what I mean. The weather has held too. A great day of Test cricket, with Root and Stokes together in the middle. Is there anything better?”

Root and Stokes counter-attacking in the middle? They are going at almost a run a ball in this partnership.

62nd over: England 180-4 (Root 48, Stokes 20) Root drives Morkel nicely for three to move past 5,000 Test runs. This is his 105th innings, which makes him the fastest Englishman to reach the milestone since the great Kenny Barrington in the 1960s.

“Is there any worse feeling in cricket than being dismissed by a bowler early in his spell, who then turns out to be the worst on the park by a very, very large margin,” says Robin Hobbs. “In fairness I think we knew this after his performance in the second Test. Anyway, Jennings must be disconsolate.”

I’ll give you disconsolate: Grahame Clinton after this match.

61st over: England 172-4 (Root 45, Stokes 15) Olivier is hooked after a single over, with Maharaj replacing him. Stokes, pushing at an outdrifter, edges wide of slip for three.

“Afternoon Rob,” says Kim Thonger. “Just idly wondering during tea if the powers that be at Warwickshire CCC might follow Lancashire CCC’s example and rename an end at Edgbaston after one of their well-known players?”

You can probably work out which Edgbaston stalwart Kim suggested.

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60th over: England 165-4 (Root 44, Stokes 9) England have come out after tea in counter-attacking mode, presumably under instruction from the captain and vice-captain. Root chases a couple of wide tempters from Morkel - one fullish, one short - and is beaten on both occasions. And now he has edged straight between keeper and first slip! They both left it to each other. Oh my, what a let-off. It was definitely de Kock’s catch. He dived twice as far to catch Tom Westley earlier in the day. It was a great delivery from Morkel, swinging away to take the edge, and de Kock just ushered it to the boundary.

“Both Phil Sawyer and Vernon Philander have my sympathy,” says David Hopkins. “I recently put my neck out through the athletic activity of applying shampoo in the shower. Not exactly the same as Test fast bowling I’ll admit, although very much in the same ballpark.”

You’re no Sanath Jayasuriya: he once dislocated his shoulder reaching for the shampoo and missed the remainder of a tour to New Zealand. He was ridiculed, as he was nearly bald at the time, though us members of the bald community know those sideburns won’t cleanse themselves.

Quinton de Kock and Hashim Amla react after failing to catch out Joe Root.
Quinton de Kock and Hashim Amla react after failing to catch out Joe Root. Photograph: Gareth Copley/Getty Images

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59th over: England 161-4 (Root 40, Stokes 9) Maharaj is replaced by Olivier, who dismissed Keaton Jennings earlier in the day. Who did you think will replace Jennings for the West Indies series, assuming he fails in the second innings? It must be tempting to go back to Hameed, and the hell with his form, but I’d hold fire. Play the long game rather than risk significant damage in Australia this winter.

Anyway, Olivier’s first over is a pile of malodorous pucky that disappears for 13. His first ball is a Grade A loosener, a wide, swinging half-volley that Root slams through the covers for four; Stokes then hits him for consecutive boundaries, helping some rubbish to fine leg before clipping an attempted yorker through midwicket. There is a suggestion that South Africa are hiding Maharaj from Stokes, which is bizarre if true, certainly at this stage of the match and Stokes’s innings.

“It seems there is no official designation for the fielding position between deep point and third man currently being used to collect Root’s shots in that area,” says Ian Copestake. “Perhaps this can be put out to tender: this fielding position brought to you into association with Thatchers, we destroyed the industrial base in the north and now have gone into cider.”

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58th over: England 148-4 (Root 35, Stokes 1) Morne Morkel, the genial giant who makes Test cricket and the world a better place, bowls the first over after tea. Root back cuts the first ball for a single, and Mature Ben plays carefully for the remainder of the over. His Test batting average is 34 is higher than those of Sir Ian Botham and Andrew Flintoff and should continue to rise. In many ways he is a classical batsman.

“The late Simon Gray once wrote on the significance of piles in the course of history,” says Pete Wood. “Bear with me here. He relates how Gary Cooper was suffering from agonising haemorrhoids during the filming of High Noon; hence that stoical, manly look of repressed suffering wasn’t all acting.”

Given Tony Soprano’s obsession with Gary Cooper, that puts a whole new spin on this famous scene. (NB: contains language that may offend, etc.)

Whatever happened to Gary Cooper department

“I gave myself a back spasm the other day just by trying to scratch between my shoulders blades,” says Phil Sawyer. “Obviously, Vernon Philander is not as monumentally out of shape as me, but a warning to us all nonetheless. Whether that’s a warning about the dangers of scratching between your shoulder blades or about being monumentally out of shape, I’ll leave to your reader to decide.”

Tea

57th over: England 147-4 (Root 34, Stokes 1) The paradox of England v South Africa is that we invariably get a close series yet we rarely get a close match. This is shaping up promisingly to be the exception, after a splendid session for South Africa: they took three wickets for 80 in 28 overs, and it could have been more. See you in 20 minutes for what should be a compelling final session.

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56th over: England 144-4 (Root 32, Stokes 0) That was the last ball of the over. England are one or two wickets away from a world of pain.

WICKET! England 142-4 (Malan c du Plessis b Morkel 18)

Morkel moves over the wicket to Malan, who is less comfortable with that angle - and the move works immediately. Malan launches into a big drive at a wide delivery angled across him and edges straight to du Plessis at second slip. That’s a loose stroke - the ball didn’t deviate - and a bonus wicket for South Africa just before tea.

Malan reacts after a loose stroke resulted in him being caught behind.
Malan reacts after a loose stroke resulted in him being caught behind. Photograph: Stu Forster/Getty Images

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55th over: England 142-3 (Root 31, Malan 18) Malan drives Maharaj for a single to bring up a solid fifty partnership. Root, not for the first time in the innings, tries an aggressive stroke against Maharaj and doesn’t time it. He’s a very slippery bowler, hard to go after.

“Do you have the skinny on what caused Philander to ail so severely?” says Ian Copestake. “He really has been in the wars both back, front and presumably down under. Glenn McGrath stepping on a ball was clearly self-inflicted but I wonder if Philander was invited to sample some bland English food and could not stomach it.”

Not gonna happen, mate.

(I have no idea, though it’s a back spasm that has kept him out of this match. You can probably get those from English food as well.)

54th over: England 141-3 (Root 31, Malan 17) Malan flicks Morkel fine for four, not far wide of the diving de Kock. England have done well because they could have unravelled had Root gone early to Rabada. This partnership is 49 from 14 overs.

52nd over: England 133-3 (Root 30, Malan 10) Root guides Morkel past gully for four, a lovely stroke. He is starting to race along now. A big score from Root is usually good news for England - only four players who have played at least 20 Test innings have a higher average in Test victories.

“Kudos for Adam’s pick of Arcade Fire for the lunchtime break, but it is indeed sad that a member of the public was taken ill and for all I admire your choice of Larkin on ambulances, I am drawn to the bleak commentary from Leeds’ The Wind-Up Birds and their track Two Ambulance Day,” says James Walsh. “’I pretend I’ve not noticed, It’s easier to look away’. Maybe it is in keeping of my mood, the sun is shining, the cricket is on auto-refresh and someone has Sun FM on the office stereo.”

This will always be the best song with Ambulance in the title, surely.

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51st over: England 127-3 (Root 24, Malan 10) Maharaj has given South Africa control all day. Root is itching to get after him, both through boundaries and stolen singles, but there is very little to work with. One from the over.

50th over: England 126-3 (Root 23, Malan 10) Morkel replaces Rabada, who bowled heroically in an attempt to eliminate Root and put South Africa in charge. Malan clips a single to move into double figures. He looks calm and settled, despite that double failure at the Oval. If he gets in, this afternoon will be a lot of fun. He has 10 from 29 balls; Root, after a slow start, has 23 from 43.

“Just to let you know it was nine years ago yesterday that Graeme Smith was shovelling to leg to get to the 154* that broke Michael Vaughan at Edgbaston,” says Andy Bradshaw. “Oh and my son Dylan was nine. Time flies, eh?”

Ah, a belated happy birthday Dylan! Also, I love that you instantly associate the birth of your son with an England defeat.

49th over: England 124-3 (Root 22, Malan 9) Maharaj really hurries through his overs, which isn’t doing your ageing OBOer any favours. Nothing of note happened, and it was a maiden to Root.

48th over: England 124-3 (Root 22, Malan 9) Rabada tries to flatten Malan with the demon yorker for the second Test in a row. It isn’t quite as full, and doesn’t swing, so Malan is able to dig it out. The Sky chaps have pointed out that he has opened up his stance slightly in this match, having struggled at the Oval with the ball coming back into him.

“If Root gets the 46 runs he needs to reach 5000 Test runs in this match he’ll have got to that mark in fewer games than, among others, Tendulkar, Lara, Viv Richards, Wally Hammond and Kumar Sangakkara,” says Phil Harrison. “He’s right up there with the greats, isn’t he?”

I’d say he’s just below that quartet at the moment, though I wouldn’t be surprised if he finished his career alongside them.

REVIEW! England 121-3 (Root not out 19)

It was close, but not close enough. The ball was hitting the top of the bails, which means it stays with Aleem Dar’s on-field decision: Root is not out.

SOUTH AFRICA REVIEW FOR LBW AGAINST ROOT

Rabada continues to trouble Root, this time with a sharp breakback that hits him on the kneeroll. This will be close.

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47th over: England 121-3 (Root 19, Malan 9) I missed that Maharaj over, and I don’t know why. I think I was looking at emails.

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