Iâm a control freak and a parent of four adults, who live with me. Somethingâs got to give ⦠| Life and style
The chaos of having premature twins changed me overnight from laidback dreamer to control freak. Bringing two tiny babies home, I immediately tipped the cats off the breadboard and got out the bleach. I wanted my house ringing with cleanliness. I couldnât cope with loud noises â" I talked in a whisper and turned off the TV. I fell apart if my newly established routine was disrupted. Things had to happen at the right time, and I had to be in charge. I tried getting a live-in au pair, but I couldnât cope with anyone else looking after my children. I knew it was an extreme reaction to screaming babies and sleepless nights. I thought it would pass. Then I had two more children. It didnât pass. Now I am living with four young adults. Control isnât possible. But still I struggle for it.
I used to decide how they were dressed and when to cut their hair. Now I never know what Iâm going to find tattooed, pierced or shaved on to their person. I come home after shopping to find Zac in the kitchen, and his brother with a pair of electric clippers. Jake has given himself a mohican. Zac is standing in a circle of hair. What remains on his head hardly covers his scalp. I take several deep breaths. Iâm not sure whatâs worse: the state of the boysâ heads or the state of the floor. At least hair grows, I console myself, as I point them to the vacuum cleaner.
Lily appears with flowers tattooed on her wrists and hands. I gasp. She didnât even consult me. The design is exquisite; Iâm not arguing with that. But itâs permanent, and it will always be on show, unless sheâs wearing gloves. Jake plays the same trick, casually revealing another inked design on his leg, which he assures me will âbalance outâ the first one.
It would save a lot of stress if I could just relinquish the need for control. But they still live at home, theoretically under my jurisdiction, and thatâs the problem. The other day, calling the kids for supper, I accidently whistled for them. A Freudian mistake. I would like to have the same command of my unruly household as I do of the dogs, who come galloping if I call them, eat what I give them, and wait for me to tell them when itâs time to go out.
Gone are the days when my offspring toddled behind me, holding my hands to cross roads. Now, I have to pester them for information about where theyâre going and when theyâre coming back. Usually, the most Iâll be told is that theyâre going âoutâ. Or, âout, outâ. The single means, back before 12pm. Double means probably home before breakfast. âDonât worry,â they say airily.
But I do. If they didnât live with me, Iâd be in blissful ignorance. I donât know who theyâll be coming home with either. Iâm not expecting to be consulted about their relationships. But I canât help being aware of their choice of partner when their girlfriend or boyfriend is sitting in my kitchen at breakfast, or standing in my bathroom cleaning their teeth.
âWhereâs Emily?â I hiss at Jake, when a new girl turns up for a bowl of cornflakes on a Sunday morning.
âIt ended, Mum.â
âYou mean she ended things with you?â
âNo. It wasnât quite right. We didnât have the same taste in music.â
I go from feeling protective to feeling frustrated. Emily is a lovely, intelligent, talented girl. I had begun to wonder if she might have been someone he would get serious with. I approved of this particular choice. âYou canât have everything in one person.â I tell him. âShe seemed pretty perfect to me.â
âStop interfering.â
âI canât help it!â
âItâs over. Move on.â
I muster a parting shot. âJust as well you didnât have her name inscribed on your arm.â
He rubs his sleeve thoughtfully. âAh, about that â¦â
Heâs kidding. I know heâs kidding. But the fact is, I couldnât prevent him tattooing the names of a dozen girls on his forehead if he wanted â" never mind his arm.
As I stare at my grown-up son, I can feel the parenting steering wheel slipping through my fingers, my feet jamming down on non-existent pedals. Iâve lost control. The funny thing is, it feels like a relief.
Some names have been changed
0 Response to "Iâm a control freak and a parent of four adults, who live with me. Somethingâs got to give ⦠| Life and style"
Posting Komentar