‘Don’t be a jerk, even if you’re a chicken’: the cookbook written by kids | Life and style
The noise is phenomenal. Two dozen kids, uniforms in various states of disarray, have just come bursting through the secret door at the back of the tiny Monster Supplies emporium in Hoxton Street, east London (specialities include “old-fashioned brain jam†and tinned collywobbles), looking as if the last thing they are here for is an afterschool writing club. Yet within 15 minutes, they are all sitting at tables, clutching pencils â€" although the volume has not decreased one bit.
The deliciously silly supernatural supermarket out front is the street address for the Ministry of Stories, an organisation set up by a trio including the author Nick Hornby in 2010, which describes itself as “a local writing and mentoring centre in east London, where anyone aged eight to 18 can come and discover their own gift for writingâ€. As a fellow founder, director and dramaturge Ben Payne, says to me: “I think it switches a light on for a lot of kids, that writing can be a career.â€
As well as offering workshops for schools, the centre runs oversubscribed afterschool and holiday clubs for those who live or learn within 500 metres of its headquarters on busy Hoxton market (and has links with similar organisations nationwide, such as Rotherham’s Grimm & Co and Brighton’s Little Green Pig, plus newer partners in Newcastle, Colchester and Edinburgh). Past groups have published a newspaper and had their lyrics recorded by professional musicians, but the latest project is a cookbook full of the children’s creative writing about food, as well as recipes from local businesses and parents, including rice and peas from Shades Jamaican food van, Nigerian steamed bean pudding and an entire north Indian feast.
Today, however, Croatian-born Ivan has brought in a platter of Hungarian spiced-bean fritters from his market stall, Å»re’, for the kids to try, complete with a trio of colourful dipping sauces. Little surprise that the chilli variety inspires the most creative responses, with the boys in particular spooning it on to their portions with great bravado. “I’m damaged!†shrieks 11-year-old Inioluwa. “You know, like when a robot jet malfunctions.†“It feels like lava bubbling in your mouth,†agrees his friend Rocklyne. The girls regard them with benevolent pity. “I love chilli,†Enebo tells me quietly as she works on her fantasy Nigerian menu. “African food is always spicy.â€
The finished collection, which includes the glorious story nine-year-old Bunmi solemnly reads me about how jerk chicken got its name (moral: “Don’t be a jerk, even if you are a chickenâ€) is published this Saturday, and to mark the occasion, the Ministry of Stories will be manning a stall on Hoxton Street from 10am till 1pm, selling books, running a storywriting activity for children, and offering local food to sample. A limited number of copies will be available from Monster Supplies thereafter â€" surely the perfect addition to an order of “thickest human snot†and a couple of “petrified miceâ€.
Andersons gingerbread
The family-run Andersons bakery sadly closed its doors in 2016 after 160 years serving bread and pastries on Hoxton Street. Linda has kindly shared their gingerbread recipe for a taste of a Hoxton tradition. This recipe can be used for all kinds of special occasions and festivals. You can use different shapes and decorate according to the occasion. You can also make tree decorations by using a skewer to make a hole in the gingerbread when it has just come out of the oven.
(Makes 25)
450g plain flour
1½ tsp baking powder
1½ tsp ground ginger
½ tsp mixed spice
225g caster sugar
225g golden syrup
85g butter or margarine, at room temperature
About 1 tbsp milk
To decorate
Large tube of ready-made icing (or make your own with icing sugar and water)
Chocolate or sweets
Heat the oven to 180C. Place the flour, baking powder, ginger, mixed spice and sugar in a bowl, and mix together using a wooden spoon. Add the golden syrup and butter and rub together with your fingers until the mixture resembles breadcrumbs.
Slowly add in milk, about ½ tbsp at a time, stirring the mixture until you have a firm but workable dough.
Roll out the dough to 5mm thick and cut with a gingerbread man or woman cutter. Place on a baking tray lined with silicone paper or non-stick baking parchment, leaving gaps between the gingerbread people.
Bake for 10 minutes or until golden. Remove from the oven and set aside to cool.
Decorate each gingerbread person with small pieces of chocolate or sweets for the eyes, mouth and buttons. To stick the chocolate or sweets in place, either melt a little chocolate over a pan of boiling water or make up some icing with icing sugar and water, to use as glue.
The Funny Time
by Michelle, aged 10
This is the restaurant
of mixed signals. Funny guys.
Strict woman. Rush! Rush!
A fat guy shouts. The
boss is talking. That lady
plays Candy Crush. Smash!
The strict lady picks
her nose. The waitress slips. The
waiter goes, Tut! Tut.
RDBAF (Roast dinner, best Auntie’s food)
by Leandro, aged 11
When I first had RDBAF, I was four years old. It made me feel happy, it was roasty and crunchy. There was a gigantic turkey and it was perfectly golden on each side and it was meaty like heaven, yummy, fleshy and, finally, warm.
I also liked the Yorkshire sausage buns because there was a longer time to eat it. It was so good that when I was finished I asked for more. The bottom was crunchy like rocks on the seabed but inside it was like a swimming pool full of gravy.
I drank a bubbly 7-Up and when I finished it â€" it went through my nose and back inside, ready for an explosion through my open window, which was my mouth. It sounded like an old pig oinking when he’s getting killed ready to be eaten.
Then I suddenly combined the bacon sausages with the roasted potatoes. It tasted like a meaty volcano erupting oily, soft, crunchy with a rich salty fluff.
Buñelos
These tasty Christmas snacks from Colombia can be enjoyed all year round. Thanks to Nancy for sharing this recipe, and for suggesting British alternatives to the traditional Colombian ingredients.
(Makes 10)
100g corn starch
30g yucca flour or tapioca starch
150g feta cheese, finely grated
60g queso fresco (available online) or fresh farmer’s cheese, finely grated
2 eggs
¼ tsp baking powder
2 tbsp sugar
Pinch of salt
1 tbsp milk
Vegetable oil, for frying
Place all the ingredients (except the oil) in a medium-sized bowl and mix well using your hands until you get soft dough.
Form the dough into 10 small balls.
In a deep saucepan, heat the oil to 150C (if you don’t have a thermometer, heat the oil on a medium heat for about 10 minutes. Drop a little ball of the mixture into the oil and if it immediately floats to the top, the oil is ready). Carefully drop the balls into the warm oil. Cover the pan with a lid and after three to four minutes, turn the heat up and fry the balls for about four minutes until golden brown.
Safely remove the balls from the oil and drain them on a plate lined with paper towels. Serve while still warm.
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